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Miscarriage is a subject that isn’t spoken about often, and being a childless nzgirl in my early 20s, it honestly wasn’t something that I’d thought much about.
But speaking to Vonney Allan of the Miscarriage Support Auckland group made me realise how little I really understood about the experience of miscarriage.
The sad fact is that approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, meaning that it’s a lot more common than we may think. This can be a very lonely, extremely traumatic experience which is emotionally and physically painful and is one that no woman should ever have to endure. However, the facts are there, and with 25% of pregnancies ending this way it pays to know a little about it so that if you or one of your friends ever experienced a miscarriage, you know what to do and how to support them.
What is a miscarriage? Miscarriage is a pregnancy that ends spontaneously before 20 weeks and the baby dies. About 90% of miscarriages occur in the first 13 weeks. The chances of miscarrying your first pregnancy is greater than later ones.
What exactly happens? The foetus, placenta and blood from the uterus leave the body through the vagina. This can happen quickly or over a period of time. Exactly which symptoms you experience depends on the cause of your miscarriage and the stage of your pregnancy. These can include heavy bleeding, pain that is similar to severe period pain or birth contractions, faintness and nausea. By the time bleeding begins, your baby may have already died.
Why do they happen? Most miscarriages are the body’s natural defence system activating itself when a pregnancy has gone wrong. Unfortunately, most women never discover the actual cause and blame themselves unnecessarily. Many women today are choosing to wait until they are older to try for children, and this increases the chance of miscarriage. The optimum age for pregnancy is early twenties. Yet for a huge number of women who want to travel and have a career, having kids at this age is just not an option. However, even by age 27 the percentages for a healthy full-term pregnancy begin to drop. A woman is born with one to two million immature eggs in her ovaries. Throughout her life, the vast majority of these will die. When a woman reaches puberty and begins to menstruate, only about 400,000 immature eggs remain. As a woman gets older, her eggs age too so she will have fewer eggs remaining and those that do, are less likely to be viable. For example they may be damaged, meaning a higher chance of miscarriage and other problems.
Vonney believes that if you want a healthy full-term baby, especially after a miscarriage, you need to give that baby the best chance to survive. This means looking after your body; eating healthily, avoiding cigarettes, alcohol and drugs and taking supplements such as folic acid. Being well supported by family and friends is a great help too.
What should you do? Unfortunately no intervention can save your baby but you will still need medical help.
A miscarriage is not normally life threatening. Pain is often the first sign of one. Take your usual pain relief when needed. You may have no bleeding or only a small to moderate amount. See your doctor within 24 hours.
If bleeding becomes heavy quite quickly, save everything you pass in a clean container as testing may find a cause for your miscarriage. You can request everything back for burial if you wish.
If you are alone, call 111 for an ambulance. Do not drive if you are having a miscarriage.
Vonney emphasises the importance of seeking medical advice after a woman has experienced a miscarriage, even if it occurred early into the pregnancy. It is crucial to get checked out in case some pregnancy tissue remains inside the uterus (incomplete miscarriage) which could become infected. Untreated, this can cause problems for later pregnancies.
Dealing with grief You have lost your baby, and whether you were 6 weeks or 3 months into your pregnancy makes no difference – it can be an extremely traumatic experience. Vonney believes that “it is the strength of the bond with their baby, not the pregnancy length, that determines the intensity of women’s grief”. Studies show that a mother will begin bonding with her baby from very early on in a pregnancy, even if she isn’t aware of it. This means sometimes it may take a week or two for the reality of what has happened to hit.
Because there is usually no body to bury after a miscarriage and it is a hidden grief, the experience can be invalidated and minimised by people in society. However, many woman will be surprised by the intensity of their feelings, which may include shock, denial, anger, guilt and depression.
Everyone is different in the ways they deal with grief, although through her work with Miscarriage Support Auckland, Vonney has observed that guilt and shame are often a huge part of the grieving process after a miscarriage. “Acceptance is very difficult sometimes,” she says. “People can think they are bullet-proof, and feel that they are somehow being punished by suffering a miscarriage.”
The services offered by Miscarriage Support are extremely useful to some women in dealing with their grief after experiencing a miscarriage. Their website www.miscarriage.org.nz is especially helpful to women who are information orientated and need to know why this has happened to them. The Miscarriage Support Bulletin Board is there to be used by those who need emotional peer support and find talking to women who have had the same experiences as them is a good way of working through their grief. It is not unusual to find relatives and friends simply do not understand.
If you have suffered from a miscarriage, or know someone who has, these support services may be a great comfort.
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being a childless nzgirl in my early 20s, it honestly wasn’t something that I’d thought much about. 
What exactly happens?
You have lost your baby, and whether you were 6 weeks or 3 months into your pregnancy makes no difference – it can be an extremely traumatic experience. Vonney believes that “it is the strength of the bond with their baby, not the pregnancy length, that determines the intensity of women’s grief”. Studies show that a mother will begin bonding with her baby from very early on in a pregnancy, even if she isn’t aware of it. This means sometimes it may take a week or two for the reality of what has happened to hit. 
The services offered by Miscarriage Support are extremely useful to some women in dealing with their grief after experiencing a miscarriage. Their website