I once had a friend tell me: “If you have to ask if you’ve had one, then you’ve never had one”.

We weren’t talking about ice-cream sundaes or a mango frappe for Sunday brunch – we were talking about the ‘Big O’ or orgasms, the last frontier of female taboos. We’re a pretty frank bunch here at nzgirl. In the past couple of years, we’ve talked about such delicate subjects as masturbation, girl on girl sex and even just plain vanilla couple sex.

We’ve given you bedroom tips to spice up your inner bad girl, and also touched on varied other relationship topics.

The one overwhelming thing we’ve come away with has been the recognition that a lot of girls, well...just aren’t all that pleased with the sack action they’re getting. Sure, most of us enjoy a bit of a romp in the hay or the backseat of a car, but the question I posed above is one that remains unanswerable for many girls.

Well, I’ve had orgasms – but here’s the surprise, I haven’t always had them, and there was a time when I despaired of ever having one. Surprisingly enough, a huge amount of girls I know have had similar experiences. “It was nice, but I just couldn’t let go”, said one. “I kept thinking about all this stuff I had to do the next day, then I started worrying about my rolls (of fat).” This came from a friend who was certainly no virgin and had her fair share of notches on the bedpost.

Since orgasms are such a hush-hush topic, we’ve decided we should be the brave ones to bring it up. If you’ve never had one before, you’re missing out and you know it. So here are some gentle ‘suggestions’ to get you started...
 

• Look in a mirror
  Okay seriously, if you’ve never practiced looking down there before because it’s too ‘gross’, you’ve probably just hit the ‘why haven’t I had an orgasm’ nail on the head. If you don’t know where everything is yourself, how do you expect someone else to know their way around? Next time after you shower, whip out a hand mirror or a compact and have a good gawk. It’s a fascinating view and really, it’s about time!

• Research it, baby
  And by research I don’t just mean read books or surf the net for diagrams. If you have a practise partner, physically try out new positions and whatnot. Play around with what feels good for you. Is it gentle touching you want, or something a bit more aggressive? A bit more to the left, or angle it down the front? You on top, or on the side, or on your back, or on your knees...the possibilities are endless. Talk to your closest mates or more knowledgeable older female friends. What has done it for them? Will it work for you?
   
• Self love
  Well, we already have an article on masturbation but it’s generally acknowledged that the easiest way to orgasm is to give yourself one. That’s because it’s your body, and you know what’s best for it. Set aside one night when you can get the atmosphere right, then go at it solo and see what you can find out...
   
• Experiment!
  Try adding toys to spice up your sex life - they definitely can't do any harm and add an extra element of fun, surprise and sensation. There are loads on the market these days, we strongly recommend checking out dvice.co.nz for their huge range of toys. You're almost guaranteed to find something that will float both his and (more importantly) your boat! Click here to find out about some of the latest goodies on the market!

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